i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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