1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
