I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
