You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
