i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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