like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
