I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
