Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
