I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
