I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize