You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
why do cheetos always look like penises
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
