thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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