My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
