Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You can't motorboat a personality
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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