somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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