somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
