I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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