Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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