last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
