I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
