Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
