Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
