i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
