I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
