I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
