Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
