Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
