I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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