can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think your dad took our porno
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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