I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
