Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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