My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
