I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
