just come out here and I will go home with you...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize