I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
