You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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