Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
