I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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