dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
