As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
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You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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