ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Four minutes until I can fart!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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