God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
