No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
lol hangovers are for mortals.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
