operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
