I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
