Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
