so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
