Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
