I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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