come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She bit a glass in half.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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