he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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