She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
