If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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