.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
is wine microwaveable?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
