Will you blow on my dice?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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