i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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