I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
