so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
