dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
