I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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