if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
