To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
