After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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