I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
