please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
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It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
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That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
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