I skipped work to stalk him.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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