One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
