I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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