he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
