My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
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And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
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I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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