Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
