I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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