so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
