I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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