Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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