Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
