I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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